Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
