She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
