I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
