If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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