More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
