A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
