The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
