i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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