She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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