there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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