A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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