so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
