I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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