there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
