I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
