Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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