I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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