im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
