i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
