I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
