Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
