I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
