I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
