Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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