So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
