Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
