I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize