You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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