She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
