I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
