so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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