Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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