so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
