I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
