hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
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