I think my vagina is haunted
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
