If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
