My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
