Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize