her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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