That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize