My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
