I puked a lego.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
