My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
