You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
