oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
