my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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