Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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