he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
