please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
