We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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