the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just tell him i said nine months
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
