why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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