The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I FOUND THE LEGS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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