i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
