Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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