Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
