I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
