Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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