i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
