you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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