you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
