Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
