Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
