Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
