The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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