thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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