I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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