its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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