i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
