Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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