Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
