If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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