Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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