Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am in a vortex of obligation.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
