I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
